I worked on myself too hard. I recalled millions of lives and became spiritually uplifted, but then I thought: “What if only he loves me and only me?”
I worked on myself too hard. I recalled millions of lives and became spiritually uplifted, but then I thought: “What if only he loves me and only me?”
I went through so much and caused pain for others, but I got over it all with plenty of awareness. Yet I wondered:
“What if only he loves me the way I am and will be?”
I have betrayed many times, crossed many lines, and committed sin after sin, but still I thought:
“What if only he wants me and only me?”
I held on to what I thought was “me” and could not let go, yet I asked myself:
“What if only he is already free of his chains?”
I was so unable to love for the sake of love, but I questioned:
“What if only he can fall madly in love with me, now and forever?”
I have punched myself in the face many times and been so cruel to myself, so much that I asked:
“What if only he has eyes only for me?”
I did not value myself as much as I deserved, such that I asked:
“What if only he puts me above anything else in his life?”
I believed in the countless lies that I told myself, yet I asked:
“What if only he stays honest and close to his essence?”
I could not open my heart to my needs and vulnerabilities, so much so that I asked:
“What if only he answers all my needs, even without me acknowledging them?”
I limited my life experience with the choices I made, and I asked:
“What if only he makes good choices and always chooses me in the end?”
I wrapped all my fears with plenty of knowledge and experience, saying:
“He behaves courageously for both of us, never turning his face or running away.”
I abandoned and avoided embracing myself for so long that I said:
“He wraps me up tightly and protects me day and night.”
I rejected my light and ignored the essence of my being, so much so that I said:
“His life is lit by my light, and he can’t take his eyes off me.”
…
And the list continues like this…
The tension in the flirtation between a living creature with a little awareness and a casually existing creature will end when those with a little more awareness are enlightened, where they stop searching for the qualities they couldn’t create in the people they flirt with, or when those who casually exist stop thinking only about themselves and start sharing, realizing that experiencing oneness with a loved one is much more satisfying. At that moment, we will have all passed the test of unconditional love.
Remember one thing: You do not need to reflect the unacceptable aspects of yourself on others anymore. The courage and indulgence that you need in order to take a sincere look at what you conceive as “unacceptable” are already inside you, and once you are able to stimulate those qualities, you will not need to maintain this duality anymore. In fact, when you manage to rise above this duality, you may not even feel obliged to represent the other side of that duality anymore and maybe start moving toward oneness as well.
Why not?
Don’t we all live with the desire to return to the source and experience what is most sacred and exalted?
Are we sincerely true to ourselves while demanding sincerity and truthfulness from others?
How ready are we to unconditionally accept what we perceive as unacceptable while making superficial declarations like “unconditional love” and “divine Love” and pointlessly sharing quotes from Rumi that do not even touch our hearts?
How ready are you to give a clean and blessed space in your heart to someone who broke your heart and literally destroyed you?
How ready are you to take a deep breath in order to transform everything that you call ugly, dirty, cheap, disgusting, or wrong, all with the help of the passionately burning fire in your heart?
How ready are you to embrace all the violence, insincerity, and bitter injustices of this planet?
And you know what? Whatever you deny, you are it! Until you drop that denial, I am sorry, but you will be that demon, murderer, liar, or thief. You are completely lost…
You are lost, even though you assume that you are still on the path of enlightenment. Do not ever forget that the demon fools you with your greatest weakness, but the fact that your greatest weakness is your tendency toward divine love does not change the reality that you are still fooled!
So, please stop and drop everything right now, including your losses in the misleading reflections of divine love. It is going to find you beyond your imagination at the most appropriate time and in the most suitable shape (or lack of it). You just need to be ready. Start by being truly sincerely with yourself. Love and faith will follow your sincerity and truthfulness, and hopefully one day, you will reach the Ultimate Union with yourself.
