I like to complain, and I’m very fond of grumbling. I cannot get enough of accusing people.
I suppose that all these people I am complaining and grumbling about are bad, and the only good person is me. How funny… Everybody is guilty, and everybody is bad except me. Only I am good…
“So then,” they ask, “why have you attracted so much badness into your life?” I immediately answer by saying it wasn’t me that brought them into my life. “Who did bring them then? If it was fate, who’s writing fate?”
Hah! There is one more guilty person I can blame, and this time I’m charging the bill to the Creator. I blame the Creator for bringing all these “bad” people into my life…
My five-year-old son Dünya does something similar. He destroys or ruins something and then says, “I didn’t do it—my sister did it!” He does this because he’s scared that we will be angry with him. This is the logic of a five-year-old boy. In contrast, I am 39 years old, yet I’m unable to shake off my five-year-old conscience. Even worse, though, I use it to avoid taking responsibility for my life.
In which part of my life did I fall prey to a fear that led to this defense mechanism that continuously causes me to say, “I didn’t do it! Someone else did!” If I instead took responsibility for everything in my life—for all the events I’ve lived through, all the people I’ve known in my life, and whatever else— I wonder what my life would be like. I’m therefore writing these lines to declare that I have made this choice.
Yes, dear Universe, I accept that I am responsible for all the experiences I’ve had so far and all the people in my life, because that’s the way I was. I have created and lived this life, so all the responsibility rests on me. Everything I chose and everything I did not choose, everything that happened and everything that did not happen, all the pain, all the complacency, and all my successes and my failures: I am ultimately responsible for everything I have created in my own life, and I am living it.
If there is something offensive and someone needs to be blamed, there is no one else but me. I accept this power, the power to create my own life. I have rejected this power until today. As I write these lines, I realize that in addition to refusing responsibility, I could not accept this power. All this time, I have refused to accept this intrinsic power. I have done everything possible to avoid it, but now it is time to accept it. Even when I looked away, trying desperately not to see it, this power was always within me. I just was not accepting it. Responsibility also means becoming aware of this power. I understand this now…
In the Star Wars movies, they say, “May The Force be with you,” but in reality, “The Force” is yourself. It is a power we all have, a power by which we create our lives. I understand it now, but we often refuse that this is the only reality. We are the power, each one of us, until we become aware of it and accept it…
Okay then, so once we’re aware of this power, what kind of a life can we create? I don’t know yet, but I know what I will do first: I’ll free myself from all my desire, greed, targets, and plans. As I always say, it’s like being the cat that plays with its own tail and becoming one that walks in its own way. After all, what would happen if I caught that tail? I’ll probably maul it and hurt myself, and I’ll always stay at the same point forever. This is the net effect of everything I’ve done to myself. I would be better off walking my way with my tail behind me. Let’s see what life looks like when we set out and start walking just like this… My dear Universe, now it’s your turn. I am giving myself up to your flow. Let’s see what kind of things I will experience this way…
There’s one last thing, however. To take this power in hand means to become aware of it. This does not mean I can create whatever I want to. I am not a super hero or a huge warrior standing there with a massive axe. These images of power come from the ego. Instead, this power is the ability to integrate with the Universal Power, the Divine Power, by being aware of it. More precisely, it’s about acknowledging you are one with it, joining yourself to the ocean. After all, if you go canoeing on a river, can you claim that you are a greater power than the river? No, you can’t. You let yourself be taken by the powerful flow of the river, and it takes you wherever it needs to. However, you can sometimes make a turn by using your paddle, and that paddle in your hand is your power of choice. You are a person navigating the river, but you are also a part of the river as a whole…
I’d like to end with endless thanks to everybody and everything that I have accused and got angry with so far… I love you so much. I embrace you. I revere you, so please forgive me… 🙂
Let’s see how the rest of the story will progress.
Hasan Sonsuz Çeliktaş
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