As far as I remember, I always had vivid and powerful dreams that woke me up screaming and sweating-cold-scared in the early hours of the morning. I can divide these dreams into four or so recurring cycles.
The very first cycle of repeated dreams was seeing myself as a shining angel falling down from high in the heavens in a torch of raging darkening flames, ending deep in pain and anger.
The second cycle of dreams is happening in the Warring States period in China, acting as an officer of the rising Qin Emperor, battling at the boundaries of the ever-growing empire. Scenes of sand, and bloody battles haunted me, leaving this bitter taste of death on the tongue. Striking flashes where I see my-self riding my faithful horse and making my way through my sword in ransacked palaces with burning curtains in the blind winds of the night. The last waves of powerful images came showing me riding down a mountain with my fellow warriors. I can see the ever-green trees and down the misty valley we were heading. My left hand gantlet was holding an eagle with a blindfold on its head and my right hand‘s gantlet holding the reins controlling my horse carefully descending the mountain slope. The last image is seeing an arrow hitting me in the throat and blood invading my vision, shutting down this cycle of dreams.
A third cycle of dreams was always in the settings of a central Asian shrine surrounded with old tombs that had for some key shapes. I was always finding myself walking through towards a green mausoleum and entering the room that had beautiful calligraphy in its circular ceiling, seeing a black stone encrusted on the wall and touching it made me swallowed into a secret room, where an old bearded man in white or black regalia would welcome me and teach me until dawn where I find my-self waking up radiating a communicating joy.
Lesser important recurring cycles often showed a small fishing town with a luna-park wheel at its outskirt, a stone manor house on a hill above the sea, an old school with its buildings and common dormitories houses, different family houses with their specific architecture, gigantic cities with endless stairs, buildings and suspended exotic gardens, all in which I was strolling, always searching for something or someone. There, in these places, I saw my-self flying and doing things impossible in the wake of reality but very common and natural in these lucid dreams. What fascinates me in these places I grew to know intimately is that they had buildings, houses, gardens, etc., non-existent in reality but very present, active and integrated in the buzzing of my dreams.
I can still feel the cold wind and atmosphere in the attics of a family house, often other time wandering and opening secret passages or doors being revealed to me, finding complete furnished levels in areas and buildings that are not supposed to exist, according to its current familiar occupation plans, and discovering subtle and invisible presences, sharing with me their pain, anger or sorrow but also their joys and giggles. These vivid encounters left a strong impression in me, such as the very particular libraries and archives I keep dreaming of with subtle beings, with great care, either showing me illuminated books or leading me to caches, one could never guess they were there, where I find some hidden esoteric treasures. The crystal clarity of these lucid dreams with its amazing wealth of details leaves a striking impression of reality and truth difficult to brush away, once awaken.
In my young adult age, I grew pretty much convinced of the reality of my dreams and that I had lived these very lives, as a fallen angel, as a Chinese warrior, and other dwelling avatars. All of these ‘personalities’ becoming an integral part in my layered growth into adulthood. Now that I am getting closer to my fifties, I wonder…
When incarnate into a new life, our soul forgets all about the past one, not to say the previous one, so to give us the best chance to focus on this life’s assignment and challenges without having to also take into consideration discording foreign influences. Here is the amazing process:
The body we inherit at birth is composed of cells that the universe keep recycling since its creations (Elena, a dear friend of us, Nalan and Nico, would say that the universe has to be economic- nothing is wasted and everything is re-used-as there is, involved, always the same amount of matter created without addition since the big bang). Some of these cells we inherit may posses commonalities such as common origin in time places and behavioral occupations. These cells have memories of their past occurence and if awakened prematurely, they will influence us through the dynamic of the dark and white matter.
These commonalities can be grouped into clusters with more or less important ‘egregore’ (an egregore is an energy pool created by a grouping of individuals bounded by a common aim), capable of independent manifestations influencing our functioning, reasoning and personality. So much influencing us, that we believe that they are indeed the result of our very own being, when they are only taking over, as the most influential cluster of a pack of many, fighting for control. Mister Gurdjieff, says that we have ‘many I’s competing as long as we do not have a more centered and permanent I, as true expression of our inner self. These I’s, of more or less clustered size, taking control over us make us do things and live actions and even-whole-lives that can be very different from what our very incarnations are designed for, making us miss the very purpose of our presence on earth.
The Gurdjieffian ‘self observation’ exercise is an example of what to do, so to separate what is ours from what is not. ‘Give back to Cesar what is his’, etc…When we are discriminating and keeping only our very own, we grow a more permanent ‘I’, more focused into its goals and aims, that has the vision of the whole, thus offering a more coordinated and holistic approach to our lives.
Then the next challenge is to balance the powerful forces of the elemental that also have a great negative inpact into our very actions and behaviors, when not understood and delt with accordingly, so to provide a balancing momentum.
The 4 elements are the essential components of our bodies and each of us, receives a setting unique and that needs to be understood, so to be responsive to its energetic dynamic. People have fire as a dominent element, are called coleric, as fiery beings. The people having water as a dominent element are called phlegmatic, as watery beings. The people that have air as a dominent element are called sanguine, as airy beings and finally the people having earth as their dominent are called melancolic, as earthly beings. From cold and humid to hot and dry, our temperaments are the reflect of the dynamic balance of these elements. Any distortion, unbalance and immediate pathological effects can be observed. Any unbalance of the elements are immediately providing fuel-power to the never-ceasing appetite of the dark and white matter.
So what is so special with this matter? It also comes from the initial matter that is composing the cosmic egg, our universe made possible by the sacrifice of the closest angels second to God, and this matter has imprisoned sparkles of the divine light (the qliphots) and divided into two groups, the white matter that is of a negative polarity and tends to dissolve everything (the Thanatos of the ancient Greeks), and the dark matter that is of positive polarity and tends to coagulate everything (the Eros of the ancient Greeks). We find ourselves between two intimate opposites, one that ‘wants’ and one that ‘doesn’t want’, thus influencing also our likes and dislikes in very subtle ways that we even think they are our very own, when in reality they are not. How much is our very own, how much comes from both the buzzing of our leading clusters and the self-expressions of our dark and white matter? So to say simply: How much are we ‘our-selves’, to the core?
If we now examine my dream cycles mentioned above to the light just shed, we can already draw some logical conclusions: The first cycle with the fallen angel and the rage, anger and pain is actually the older cluster of cells that is remembering the traumatism of non-matter coming into being, the original shock of existence (out of non-existence) that brought pain and longing due to the experience of duality, the separation from the source, the Tree of life.
At birth, we are expected to see further than the obvious surrounding us and within us, we have to learn how to discriminate the useful from the useless and grow the quality of prediliction, that is keeping what is beneficial to our development and natural functioning to the expense of the many, divisive and damageable only seeking survival influences. In the setting of my incarnation, I have been given a lot, that is there to serve if, and only if, I understand its function.
The ‘dark angel falling’ dream cycle is there to help me remember that I need to reconnect to the source and for this I can use this very cluster, activating its nostalgy for the source. As the Qur’an says: ‘ Remember me, I will remember you’. We are initiating the communication, using some how the energy and the possibility of a line back to the source.
As for the ‘Chinese warrior’ dream cycle , its gift is for me to taste and understand qualities such as Honor, Justice, Service and Devotion, being taught the dreadful consequences of Shame, Iniquity, Selfishness and Pride. We are taught, if we know how to make sense out of these messages we get through the lucid dreams and find a use for our very life. If we miss the point, we start to believe these stories from other people’s incarnation transmitted to us through the cells and their clusters and we do really start believing we had former lives and our ego (the many I’s competing for influence) jump on these opportunities to further disconnect us, so to keep the parasitical influence on us. It is very fortunate for us to discover ‘the inner teacher’ and unfold its wealth of experiences, so to learn enough and be free and ready to shine our very own self.
The ‘mausoleum teacher’ dream cycle is exactly indicating this: We can access to a wealth of information, good and bad, so to help us grow into our real self and start participate into the maintenance of our planet and the vast universe we are blessed to be part of. ‘ When the student is ready, the master appears’ is a popular saying pointing at this phenomenon and the ‘Akashic archives’ are of the very same nature.
The other dream experiences I have and still experience are more of an internal connectivity of the many layers of my consciousness and their inter-activity with the universe and its numerous realms, and participate less in this ‘everything we need is inside of us’ educational pattern. They are more fruits, sensitivities, towards other realms and dimensions our development makes us encounter through the interactive doors of the dream inter-state.
So, to conclude, I doubt that these former lives were mine. I doubt I was a fallen angel or a Chinese warrior or a murshid (pupil) of some secret central Asian sheik. But plainly admitting this doesn’t take away the amazing love and care provided to me since my birth by my family and the universe through the gifts manifested in each parts of my bodies by the buzzing of the cells and their many clusters, through the ever changing humors of the dark and white matter, all willing to share, so to give me the possibility to chose who I want to be. On the contrary, we are all of us vibrant and moving testimonies of such caring love.
May we not waste this amazing opportunity, for us to learn from this shared pool of immemorial experience, that makes us living parts of a golden chain that leads us back to our most compassionate God !