Love is what spins our heads and releases us from the chains of both the past and the future.
It is a place where time stands still and space is meaningless, somewhere where we melt into the being of the loved one and experience the supreme state of surrender. It is the most divine state an individual can experience, and its divinity continues for as long as it remains as love.
When love begins to stir up inside us, we feel this energy circulating throughout our bodies. The ones we love transform into something more than human. All their faults suddenly vanish, and we feel an irresistible draw toward them. Our only desire is to unite with them and experience the feeling of being “one.” Our bodies, our souls, our entire beings crave to become one, to unite.
It’s difficult to hold this energy within the limits of our bodies, so we feel the need to channel it toward someone else. Yet this energy is our own, and it belongs to us entirely. The creator of it is the one who carries it. It’s actually not a feeling that arises due to another person. Instead, the search for that individual began when this energy started moving. The person we feel the need to project this energy to is merely the recipient of the energy that was born inside us and still grows within us. To be able to see it requires a complete realization. Once this amazing energy we call love moves around within ourselves, it triggers feelings of pleasure, joy, unity, oneness, and absolute surrender in every neuron of our brains. Unfortunately, the feelings of fear and suffering that are registered in our brain prepare to be triggered as well. How does this come about?
Scientific research has proven that we start to experience feelings in the mother’s womb. These feelings then register in the emotional memory of the baby’s developing brain. A mother’s changing emotions also continue to affect the baby after birth, too. A bond is formed between the baby and its mother (or someone elseacting in loco parentis), who provides for the baby’s basic and emotional needs. When a baby’s needs (e.g., eye contact, nurturing, embracing, being seen, belonging, feeling warmth, etc.) are provided for at the right time and in the right amount, this bond becomes a healthy and secure one. In cases where these needs are not adequately met, it becomes what’s known as an attachment disorder.
This relationship that develops between a child and its primary caregiver is based on fulfilling the child’s needs, so it is called a symbiotic relationship. When a child’s basic and emotional needs are sufficiently catered for, a healthy separation forms between the parties. In cases where the symbiotic relationship continues and this autonomy never occurs, children often end up carrying around an unhealthy attachment model in their subconscious. This continues throughout their lives. Sometimes they don’t even notice they are demanding that these needs (e.g., eye contact, nurturing, embracing, being seen, belonging, feeling warmth, etc.) be met.
Research shows that within the community we live in, the unhealthy attachment rate is around 80%. This means that the relationships with our partners are substantially inclined toward providing for our expectations and meeting our symbiotic needs. A feeling of deficiency can result from the lack of love and warmth we needed as a baby, the most vulnerable period of our lives. This leaves traces in our memory as pain and fear. We try to compensate for our need to survive by developing a defense mechanism called the ego, which originates from these feelings.
It is these needs and expectations that have penetrated deep into our cells, preventing us from experiencing a love that will activate all our dimensions in their purest form. We identify the energy with the person standing in front of us, and we only allow the flow of energy through in response to attention from them. We carry this state to the level of the ego with a perpetrator’s attitude. The love conscience of the ego is far removed from the conscious state of love: It is possessive, and it seeks to control, lead, and dominate. It says, “You’re mine! You belong to me.” In contrast, saying “You’re with me” is to let your lover be free and respect him or her as an individual. Yet the ego’s love conscience does not respect anyone, and any love here is entirely conditional.
When love starts, awareness grows deeper with it. When we succumb to the unmet needs of our inner child, which are preventing love from flowing, the understanding that we gain about anxiety and avoidance will ensure a strong transformation that will enable us to enjoy this amazing opportunity.