An era is about to end in my life as a new one begins. I am somewhere in between them until I leave the country. I feel like I am neither touching the ground nor flying in the sky. It’s like I’m hanging in some strange place. As my departure gets nearer, time, space and actions become increasingly blurry. I find myself repeatedly asking, “Where am I? Where am I heading?”
One morning, I wake up with the notion of baking a cake and sharing it with my loved ones. I would like to leave something behind from the “old” me, as if these were the last days of my “old” lifestyle. I find this cake to be symbolic before going on a lifelong journey. However, a part of me is willing to release the ties, because I doubt that I will miss this era.
These are my last days in the office. I realize how the people mattered more for me than the job itself, such as how I happily served the team and enjoyed the company of people. The desk, the room, the office—they all used to make up my comfort zone. I start to detach myself. I give away my personal items to people: my keyboard, my back-support pillow, and even the pencil tray. I give away every single thing I own. Together with my belongings, I share myself like pieces of Lego among the people I know. I give away myself to free myself from all the ties that were formed through care and sincerity. I know that if my road crosses theirs again at some point in my journey, I will meet them again as new acquaintances.
It is not only the physical body saying goodbye. I make two cakes in my own way, both gluten- and sugar-free. One of them contains cocoa, while the other has apple and cinnamon. With these two healthy yet delicious cakes, I offer a piece of myself to my loved ones. I continue to find a way to offer myself everywhere and to everyone. Right before I depart, I reserve my last pieces for my family.
I also leave some part of me in the Suadiye coast. After saying goodbye to the sea and each blade of grass, one by one, I go to a bookstore to look for Kalyani’s gift: Dance of the Perfume. As soon as I enter the bookstore, I come across the Fairy Tale Therapy of Judith. I open the book and turn to a random page. The first phrase sounds like a special note for my journey: “How about working out our belief muscles instead of taking precautions all the time?”
I stand still somewhere between the outer and inner worlds. I don’t struggle anymore, because everything I need appears right in front of me. Releasing myself from making plans also helps me to find my way easily. In my previous attempts to go abroad, even though I made such diligent plans, I faced too many obstacles that stopped me from going. I realize now that I don’t even need to relocate to transform myself. I believe there is a reason why everything happens so smoothly this time around, unlike my previous attempts.
So, I stand up and rise. The only thing I know is that I welcome all kinds of change into my life. All the training and other challenges already started long before I will take off. I embrace them all as a part of my change and transformation. So, I just surrender everything except registering for training and buying my one-way ticket. I just let everything be.
When the time arrives, a revolution starts inside. I sometimes hope someone will take care of me, but then I accept that I can be the only one to take care of myself. I call this path Fortune. This path, which I call the second era of my life, starts with all the fortunate events.