Who am I?
The day was already light, but we had not seen the sun yet.
p>We were right in the middle of the sacred silence of the ashram’s temple. Swami Ji called my name and motioned for me to sit across from him before silently whispering a mantra* into my ear. He then wanted me to repeat it while looking into his eyes. I heard my voice as if it belonged to someone else. I cannot describe that moment—it was just my surrender. The only other thing was the connection I felt with the mantra by way of my surrender. On that morning, I felt like I was in a dream. I cannot even clearly remember some parts of it.
I have heard people say, “Believe in the power of the mantra,” but I never thought that I would have this kind of experience. After receiving my mantra during a ceremony, the only thing I can add to this article is to describe the tears that washed down my face during the meditation. There was no possibility, or even a need, to stop these tears, which were a physical reflection of my purification. The tears flowed down like a heavy shower, but after a while, they were replaced by tears of peace and happiness. For me, that moment felt like an eternity, where time and space were being more than just bent. With each tear, I became a bit purer, but in the end, I didn’t know how distilled I had become.
When my eyes were closed, there was an endless silence, but when I opened them, the birds started singing and the sun rose within a second. Every color I saw and every face I looked at was clearer than before. That morning, right there in that moment, I discovered the meaning of a pure existence and the power of mantra. Two days later, I received the name Bhavani, which is one of the names of Parvati in Hindu mythology, thus symbolizing the power of pure existence and creativity.
A statement that was always latent in me until that moment materialized into a physical form after that day: I, who was getting on a plane before beginning the journey, was no longer “me.” A question then arose: “Who am I?”
Actually, this question is not personal to me—it is a common question that everyone asks themselves. Moreover, it is a well-known fact that the flowers of the collective consciousness bloom from the seeds of collective questions.
*A mantra is composed of a syllable or poem in Sanskrit, and it is used as a channel for spirituality. By using the words and the corresponding vibrations, the person aims to reach a higher state of consciousness.
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