My Job is to Question The Unquestioned
So many of us are leading our lives on the basis of things we have never questioned the reasons for or the validity of, and yet they shape the direction of our lives. Let me begin with a brief excerpt from Secrets of the Millionaire…
Why Are Streets Full Of People That Are All Alike?
The system we grew up in doesn’t teach us to be ourselves. Very few ask, “What do I want? What would make me happiest in life?” Even our dreams are being controlled. It is most men’s dream to own a red Ferrari once they get rich… It is…
Why Does He Do It?
One of my counselees told me about her boyfriend and asked me: ‘Why does he text to her ex-girlfriend when he is with me?’ I don’t find it helpful to ask ‘why’ questions about others. It helps nothing but confusing the mind. Because you don’t…
If You Hurry, Slow Down and Stay Within Yourself
City life is very noisy. We become unable to hear our inner voice because of this noise. We aren’t even aware of what we really want or need. We are distant from ourselves. When we are distant from ourselves, it is almost impossible to get…
Whose Lover Are You Looking For?
One of my counselees has lately told me that she wanted a tall boyfriend. She even told me that she immediately eliminated any men who were shorter than her. Here is the conversation we had: What if he is not tall? He wouldn’t be a…
What do you feel? What do you need?
Eventhough what I talk about usually depends on the questions I ask and the answers given by the participants , we sometimes have dialogues such as: John made me feel very bad. You think that John made you feel bad. But there is no ‘bad feeling’….
How Do You Get a Noisy Kid to Be Quiet?
I recently paid a visit to my friend Merve. As the two of us talked, her six-year-old daughter was running around and playing with her friend in the house. From time to time, they would scream and bang the doors. With the third slam of…
If He Seems Distant, First Get Closer to Yourself
“My husband keeps himself distant!” I sometimes hear this statement from my counselees. I find it quite strange because something can only be as distant from you as you are distant from it. Can Ankara be 20 km away from Istanbul when Istanbul is 500…
Create a Lover out of Nothing
Women often say something during my seminars: “There are no suitable men for me.” They then try their best to convince me of this, but instead I say to them, “Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they don’t exist.” The one-sided generalizations that distract you…
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