MS is the Turkish equivalent of BC (meaning “before Christ”) when referring to years before the birth of Christ. Since 2011, even though I still see the term in history books, these two letters have a completely new meaning for me. They now refer to multiple sclerosis.
Thanks to the environment I was raised in, I lived a life that was isolated from all sorts of harmful substances, such as alcohol, cigarettes, and so on. What’s more, if I thought it was healthy to eat, I would even pick up a rock and start chewing on it. That’s how much of a clean eater I was.
In 2011, following a project where I needed to use scissors for a very long time, the numbness in my fingers began to annoy me. In order to get some answers, I went to a neurologist. After all, it was probably just a pinched nerve or something. I thought the doctor would tell me to take some vitamin B12 pills and life would be back to normal?
Well, he didn’t. Instead, he completed a request for an MRI scan and sent it to his secretary.
He said, “I have some suspicions.”
But what could they have been? I surely didn’t have a serious illness. I was healthy and on good terms with God. Why would God pick on His nice loyal subject, one who worships Him completely, avoids everything He forbade, and obeys all His orders?
I was afraid after having just started living my life. I was a woman who just got married, worked as a school teacher, and was trying to stand on her own two feet in my brand-new home city of Izmir.
On the day I was diagnosed, though, those same two feet could not support my body. I collapsed.
It wasn’t just my body that collapsed but also my dreams, life, plans, and faith.
Everyone has their own doomsday, and that day was mine. Everything I had believed in became just a big lie…
The doctor mentioned an injection treatment, but I neither believed in its necessity nor its efficacy. This treatment had certain side effects, and I was supposed to administer it myself.
I was cold as ice. I remember throwing my medical file at the doctor and running away from the hospital as fast as I could. Then at the gate I saw my husband who had come to pick me up. I don’t know what happened in between. The film just snapped.
On this stage called life, I was given such a role this time. I had to read my lines a million times but still couldn’t understand a word of it. I was instead constantly cursing at the director!
Other than the two or three hours where I managed to doze off, the phrase I spoke mostly when I was awake was “Why me?”
I had done everything by the book, so why did He pick me for this role?
He either existed or He did not exist, but He wasn’t nice and He didn’t like me!
I wasn’t so fond of Him anymore either!
We were cross with each other, that Mighty Spirit and I, after having this huge fight.
I didn’t love Him any longer. Now that I knew he thought all of this was fit for me, I decided to stop playing. I thought, “Whatever will be, will be!” and began to research alternative medicines.
The enchanting pleasure I felt inside while the healers I encountered worked on my body, my spirit, and my mind drew me onto this path.
The old me would never have gone anywhere near this chicanery, but they became something I clung to after my doctor pronounced, “There is no recovery from this. The treatment is merely something to prevent your condition from deteriorating.”
During my last bioenergy session, I had a vision. I was wearing a white dress, singing weird songs, and twirling with my eyes closed. It was such a strong vision that I can still remember the heat on my face as I turned around.
When the session was over, I knew I had made up my mind. Every living being on this planet has their life’s mission, and this was mine, to guide people who need healing on their path.
I rolled up my sleeves and began to look for a course. With the support of my friend, who entered my life in a ridiculous manner and left it just as ridiculously, I found a course. She’s no longer in my life, but I guess this was her mission.
After I tuned in, the energy flow I felt in my hands got me so excited that I was trying to share my healing energy with everything that crossed my path, from cats and dogs to flowers and rocks.
Some experiences gave me courage and confirmed I was on the right path, thus increasing my energy.
I also had two kids along the way. This was also proof to myself and those around me: “Look at how that sick girl you pitied gave birth to two kids! She really did it!”
The pressure from my family and my friends to get treatment diminished, and they accepted that I wasn’t going to do it. But then I suddenly decided to start the treatment out of my own free will. The adjustment period was painful, of course, and I still can’t say I am used to those damn injections. I had taken the precaution, though, and that’s what mattered to my friends and family. It was enough.
So, what am I doing now?
I stopped eating as strictly as I used to, and I now do whatever I want. After all, staying in the flow requires this, right?
I focus my attention on my friends now rather than focusing on what I eat.
I try to distance myself from people who annoy me, drain my energy, or make me anxious.
The people I like the most are those who do not believe I have MS. The more they say, “You look fine,” the more that I feel like I really am fine.
My little MS? I began to like it. As long as it doesn’t hurt me, we can hang out together.
I even wrote a song for it:
My little MS,
What have you done to me?
Divided me into pieces bit by bit.
They don’t know—they don’t know.
They stare at my face,
As if you’re not there,
As if we are a lie.
And as for God, well, we made up again.
I stopped rebelling against Him, because I knew all of this is a vision, and I helped create my illness as well.
After taking the life lesson I needed, it abandoned me without a second thought.
It taught me a lot. Sure, it turned my life upside down, but as Şems said, the bottom turned out to be better than the top. (His exact words were: “Don’t worry that your life will turn upside down. How do you know that the bottom side is not better than the upside?”)
When I first had to face it, I asked, “Why me?” Now I say, “I’m so glad you chose me!”
Yes, I’m so glad you chose me!
- Astrology (64)
- Bulletin (1)
- Featured (54)
- Health (78)
- Life (254)
- Mystery (62)
- Soul (400)
- Story (23)
- Sufi (38)
- Top (4)
- Traveller (35)
- Uncategorized (2)
- Video (3)