At my tango class today, I perceived something that I’ve come to know again. It happens to me quite often these days.

My teacher corrected my posture in the closed position, telling me that I was standing too straight. I am used to standing straight in everyday life, so I do my own business myself rather than putting my weight on anyone else. As it turned out, this was the reason why I was having so much difficulty in learning the tango. According to me in the tango, there are two important things: The first is submission, being able to leave yourself to the flow, and the second is forgetting the “I” and becoming the “us,” leaving the individualism and living the integrity.

This is what my teacher said: In the closed position, the woman should give the weight of her upper body to her male partner, meaning you form a kind of roof. This makes the woman’s backward steps easier while leaving space for the man’s forward steps. My first reaction was this: How can I step backward while putting my weight to the front? I was missing the fact that there is a sharing process rather than putting your weight on someone else, as I perceived it. It is this sharing of energy that makes the dance possible. If I stay straight right in front of him, how can he orient himself toward me? How can we become one?

Both in relationships and in dance, when two people meet, if they want to share something, they have to form a similar unity. In the tango, if I move by myself, and if my partner does the same, it would not be the tango anymore. To create harmony there has to be unity, so we need to share. That’s why the position forms the shape of a roof. Up above, we are like one person now. Down below, we have the freedom to move our feet, but we should still be in harmony.

I started to perceive submission while learning the tango, or maybe once I started to understand submission, I could start learning the tango. Now, it’s time to learn unity. My teacher says I start well, but then I straighten up again. I guess this is a years-long habit of mine, and it is difficult to give up such things suddenly. In the closed position, I close my eyes and try to leave myself to the energy. It is such a nice feeling. Sometimes, when the song is also nice, I feel myself above the clouds. It is not important anymore who I am or who my partner is. It feels like there is just one body moving. Moreover, it is not me deciding any of the steps. I step according to the energy I feel. This is so difficult for a person who always tries to control life, but once you manage it, a feeling of peace comes with it.

Relationships can also be this peaceful—it is us who are making them complicated. We always show resistance. Some of us are afraid of losing our freedom, and some fear losing the person they love. These fears cause us to miss out on the feeling of unity. If only we could leave ourselves completely to the flow, sharing our weights and uniting in the relationship while still remembering that we are two different people. If we could stop trying to control everything and just surrender, and stop making a big deal out of it, then there would be no problems in relationships. We can only live in such a relationship if both sides have this same consciousness of course, but if you are ready to live such a relationship, maybe you will also attract someone who is also ready for it.

In fact, whatever we do, whatever has to happen, isn’t it better to dance the tango rather than fight against the flow?

Wishing you all days where you feel the tango… 🙂