What is around you now, my dear reader? What pushes you to read this? What are you doing right now? How is the weather outside? Maybe you are many miles away, and it’s possibly months later. Just imagine, while writing this article after a morning full of errands, you are probably doing something at the same moment as well. Maybe you are at work and not enjoying it. Maybe you are at home sick. Maybe you are crying because of a breakup, or maybe you just had wild sex and your partner is sleeping next to you, but you feel awkward at ending up here. Maybe you feel you are in the middle of nowhere and just looking for a sign to tell you what you need to do next. Maybe you are fed up with the things surrounding you right now, but it does not matter. The moment you read the upcoming words, you will feel my heart and soul.

Is he or she the one?

What does it mean when we say, “the one”? Why should there be “the one”? How can we understand this? There are countless articles and books on the subject, but we miss one of the biggest indicators that decides everything: free will.

I recently wondered if there is “the one” for us, but what if a person who is not “the one” might possibly become “the one.” To explain this, there are plenty of videos on YouTube on subjects like how to attract the person you want to be in love with, how to make someone obsessed with you, and so on. All of these actually just teach you one thing, though:  Dream about that person as if he or she is in your life, always thinking positively like you are deeply in love with him or her. Moreover, all those videos say to not push someone into being in a relationship with you. Just keep imagining and wishing. Do not force it, and just let the magic happen. So, if the person we want to attract is not “the one,” can he or she possibly become “the one”?

Why it is hard to find the one?

I believe that one way or another, we focus on self-satisfaction too much, and this destroys possible good relationships. What’s more, the sad fact is that we are completely unaware of this. When you have someone in your life, everything seems so miraculous at first, at least until one person starts complaining or expressing desires differently.

Imagine this: You greatly enjoy eating Chinese food, and your partner always agrees to eat it. You enjoy it so much, and you feel like your partner likes to share what you like! At some point, though, you focus on that idea so much that you forget to ask if your partner wants to eat something else. Even if you do, maybe the way you ask just makes your partner follow whatever you say. After a few dinners, your partner will start to complain about always eating Chinese food and demand something different. This then makes you think something like, “Oh, God! She does not like me anymore. She’s changed. Nothing is the same.”

Can you see the situation that we accidentally create? This is just the simplest example that I can give. In reality, when it comes to deeper subjects like emotions, feelings, sex, life views, and varying ideas, beliefs, and cultures, things take a more problematic shape.

So, what can we do?

1-) Accept and keep asking

There is only one way to continue a healthy relationship and claim that your partner is the one: by accepting. You have to admit that you are not perfect, and nor is your partner of course. The simplest thing is to just ask what your partner wants. You don’t even have to think about this like it is such a big deal. No! You just have to ask what your partner wants to eat, even if you have a specific preference yourself. Please try to find the middle way in everything. If you sense your partner feels down and is acting awkward, it’s just fucking normal. Why make things so complicated? Stop insisting on asking why he or she is like that and just start asking how you can make him or her more comfortable in that moment

2-) Don’t blame

I think this is one of the biggest mistakes we make in an argument or tense discussion with a partner. I believe that even assigning blame just once is enough to wave a red flag to the other side. Do not ever say things like, “You are always like this!” Even if you are entirely right at that moment, be aware that this is a temporary situation between you and your partner, so please let it pass rather than make a drama out of it!

3-) Be silent

It is sometimes better to shut up rather than try to defend yourself. In an argument, you and your partner are obviously very mad at each other, so why keep trying to prove that you are the one in the right. You are not at war with your partner. He or she is the one making you feel better when you kiss his or her lips. How can you try to prove yourself at the wrong moment with the wrong choice of words? Now, here is a tip: The real “one” will say, “You were right. I am sorry” after all the storms have passed. The magical part is staying silent about why your partner was acting crazy, because you empathized with him or her and did not want to prolong the situation any longer. The real “one” will understand your silence and easily say “I’m sorry.” Yes, that is “the one.”